An Apology To Everyone I Went to College With

When I was in college, I was a real jerk.

I honestly tried to rewrite that sentence multiple times to make it less blunt, but that’s just how it is. There’s no sugarcoating how utterly self-absorbed and insulated in my tiny kingdom I was in my early ‘20s.

Lots of time in counseling has shown me that there were reasons for this, but I’m not interested in defending my reasons because they don’t matter. Reasons don’t give you permission to abdicate responsibility for your bad behavior.

I was so obsessed with self-preservation and being recognized that I said a lot of incredibly ignorant stuff, promoted myself at the expense of others, and willfully ignored the needs of people around me.

I have a lot of regrets about this, but a prime example of it can be summed up in two words:

Harry Potter.

I went to college in the early ‘00s—the height of Harry Potter mania. Not all the books had been released yet, fandom was rampant, and conspiracy theories abounded. Of course, everyone in my college’s English department was having a blast.

Everyone except me.

I was too good for Harry Potter. I read Russian novels and Ayn Rand and serious literature. I was committed to my craft, and Harry Potter was pedestrian and derivative.

If you disagree with other people about a book that’s popular, that’s obviously okay. The problem is that I said the quiet part out loud.

Because I didn’t know how to shut up back then, I shared this hot take and subsequently offended an entire contingent of Ravenclaws.

In response, a classmate called me an elitist. She was right, of course. But instead of rethinking my behavior and apologizing, I doubled down. I fired back some catty remark and moved on with life.

Like I said, I have a lot of regrets.

Then, a couple of months ago, Curtis and I watched the Harry Potter movies for the first time. And I was blown away.

J.K. Rowling isn’t really doing anything groundbreaking with the story. The allusions to medieval literature, Tolkien, and the Bible make it feel very familiar, even in its most shocking plot twists.

But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. The world of the story, with all its intricacies, deep history, and vast emotional landscape, is believable and authentic. While I plan on reading the novels, I also took a trip down the Harry Potter internet rabbit hole and was pleased to discover that the characters’ backstories run far deeper than the movies portray.

I honestly can’t wait until I get a break in the necessary reading I have to do now so I can dig in.

However, I also feel sad that I missed being a part of the fandom when I was in college. I missed enjoying a meaningful story alongside other writers.

More importantly, I missed a valuable chance to connect with others emotionally. The characters of Snape and Hermione deeply resonate with me, and there are reasons why. A close friend of mine lost her mother last year and is currently reading the books to help her cope with her grief.

I can only imagine the personal connections my old classmates felt and the empathetic conversations that could have resulted from discussing the books.

It’s easy to say these things from a vantage point of twenty years. But it makes me think about how carefully we need to speak when people share the things they care about, even when they’re as minuscule as books or hobbies.

This is especially true for the Body of Christ.

In Devoted to God’s Church¹, Sinclair Ferguson notes that the Gospels record two instances when our Lord directly mentions the church. The first is His words to Peter in Matthew 16:18: “. . . on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” The second is Matthew 18:15-17, where Jesus outlines the procedure for handling sin within the body.

This demonstrates two critical details about how Jesus views His Bride. The first is that the church is central to His plan for humanity. He is building it, and nothing, not even hell itself, can disrupt this process.

The second is that He sees our relationships within the body as so significant to this purpose that He gives special instructions to prevent divisions among believers and the corruption that results from allowing sin to continue unchecked.

So, what does all this have to do with Harry Potter? Quite a lot.

We must ensure that we take seriously what others share about themselves.

Even if it isn’t what we would choose.

Even if we don’t understand their position.

Even if we think they don’t understand us.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve discussed the danger of legalism for artists and the empowering truths I’ve learned about unity in the church. A lot of this concerns creative people who feel stereotyped, marginalized, or misunderstood in Christian communities. 

But we also need to realize that the inverse is true. Just as we desire others to show grace to us, we must do the same for them.

I once talked to a guy at church who said he doesn’t like reading fiction and doesn’t see the point. My initial impulse was to get defensive and give him a crash course in aesthetics.

Instead, I asked him why. He told me that he was experiencing a beautiful period of intimacy with God and was taking every spare moment to study scripture, pray, and minister to others through his learning. He couldn’t afford distractions. And for him, reading fiction—something that brings me such joy and life—would have been just that.

Praise God that He is building His church and filling it with people who experience such diverse ways of knowing Him.

If you went to college with me and are reading this, please accept my sincerest apologies for not taking the time to see and hear what was important to you. The Lord has taught me so much about the importance of listening to others, and I’m so grateful to no longer be the person I was.

And if I’m really honest, Harry Potter has taught me some stuff about that too.

Let’s talk about this more in the comments. How can we be better listeners? How can we work to understand differences within the church so we can obey Christ in our relationships and pursue unity? Drop your thoughts below.

1. I am a couple of chapters away from finishing this book, and it is absolutely stunning. It breaks down the disciplines of life in Christ’s body (prayer, communion, fellowship, worship, baptism, etc) in a way that shows their underlying vitality through God’s Word and drives the reader toward thankfulness for God’s grace in providing us with our spiritual family. Grab a copy here: https://banneroftruth.org/us/store/christian-living/devoted-to-gods-church/